Tuesday, June 7, 2011

How to Weiner-Proof Your House

After the Weiner-gate scandal, I think everyone is asking the same question: how can I Weiner-proof my house to prevent Weiner from breaking in and sending tweets of his junk to my wife and/or sister? Well, you're in luck! With the right combination of luck, skill, voodoo magic, and slapping your grandma, you can make sure that Anthony Weiner never breaks into your house to harm your family.*

The first step to preventing Weiner from showing your family his Weiner is to start by installing a good security system. The best kinds of security systems deliver a combination of electric shocks and guard dogs to deter the Anthony Weiners of the world from weinering their way into your home. My personal favorite -- a veritable source of "home security polson", makes your home nearly as impenetrable as Mrs. Weiner has become since the sex picture scandal broke.

But, this first step is not enough. You also need to install a killer satellite T.V. system in your house to check for police updates about if and when Weiner might be getting close to your home. For this purpose, I would recommend finding a provider at "www.LocalTV-Satellite.com" -- both because I like these guys and because they pay me well :D.
Wireless Home Security System
If neither of those options seem feasible, you could always just let Anthony in to do his worst. Hey, he's a congressman -- how terrible could he be (just think -- "home security polson"?

Oh yeah -- that terrible :(

*Note: Future Twits is not responsible for failures to observe correct voodoo principles, which would of course invalidate the above statement. All voodoo practitioners should consult a priest before starting any voodoo ritual.
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