Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sexiest Girls In The Olympics?

Fapable? Yes.

I just don't know what else to say other than "Wow!" Just wow. Wow.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Breaking News: Lone Gun Walks into a Bar, Kills Fifty

Breaking News: Lone Gun Walks into a Bar, Kills Fifty

A lone gun, depressed about the prospects of new gun control, has walked into a suburban bar, killing 50 and wounding 127 more. Police have refused to release a statement, pending the notification of the families of the victims. 

“It was horrific,” recounted one woman. “One moment, the gun was just sitting there on the table. The next, it was wildly flying around in the air, shooting everyone and everything that moved. I even saw it jump up, fly around the room in a private helicopter, and shoot people from the sky. I was completely terrified. 

John Crackernuts, spokesperson for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun violence, observed, “This is yet another instance of guns acting out violently. When is America going to wake up and realize that these guns need to be controlled so that the killing will stop? After all, it is the gun’s fault in situations like this one. The gun acted on its own, as is always the case – autonomously. It just flew through the air killing people, just like what has happened in every shooting before and will happen again unless we start executing people who want to buy guns.”

The official spokesperson of the NRA, the ghost of Charlton Heston, had this to say about the shooting, “The problem is not that we need fewer guns on the street but more guns, more and more guns. We need guns in the schools, guns in the bars, guns on the sidewalks, even guns in the nursery. Hell, if I go to a school and don’t see a bazooka in the hands of every toddler, I get a little worried. What if one some rogue bazooka decides to shoot up the school? Who will protect our little ones if not other bazookas at the school? If you want to take the bazooka from my toddler, you will have to take it out of his cold dead hands! Oh … I mean mine … or something.” 

When President Obama was asked about the incident, he remarked, “Well, uh, I uh, feel that, uh, we should, uh, evaluate, uh, the options, uh, that we, uh, have available, uh, in this, uh, situation, uh, and, uh, act, uh, accordingly. I mean, uh, on the one hand, uh, there, uh, is a, uh, need to, uh, have greater, uh, gun control, uh, but, uh, at, uh, the same time, uh, we, uh, should, uh, respect, uh, the rights, uh, of citizens, uh, uh, uh, uh, …” At this point, the president seemed to have a meltdown and was sent back to the factory for further repairs. 

Unfortunately, Mitt Romney has gained the trait of “drooling moron” and thus could not be reached for comment. 

Also present in the bar was a young white male intent on doing people in the bar bodily harm. When questioned, police blamed his murderous aspirations on the media, the Batman movies, video games, his psychiatrist, Marilyn Manson, his parents, the NRA, the liberals, the conservatives, face paint, medical school, and global warming.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Ultimate Players Meme: What I Really Do

Ever wondered what ultimate players "really do"? Well, neither have I! But, here is a six-picture meme explaining it anyway. The categories are: "What my mom thinks I do", "What my friends think I do", "What society thinks I do", "What my wife thinks I do", "What I think I do", and "What I really do".

Enhanced by Zemanta

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Friday, July 6, 2012

Bronze Level Douche Bag

Here is a picture of a car driven by a bronze level douche bag.

I wonder what it takes to achieve gold level?

Bronze Level Douche Bag

Enhanced by Zemanta

So, you're a Republican Who Worships Jesus -- Willy Wonka

If you're a Republican who worships Jesus but doesn't like poor people, have you ever thought about that?

Willy Wonka has.

Willy Wonka and Christian Republicans

Enhanced by Zemanta


Related Posts with Thumbnails
comments powered by Disqus