Saturday, May 30, 2009

Ashton Kutcher: Twitterholic

Ashton KutcherImage via Wikipedia
You all heard by now Ashton Kutcher's recent public declaration that he was done twittering if a new reality show centered around it came to fruition. I don't think it will be that easy for Ashton to quit. Like a smoker trying and failing to kick those cigarettes, he'll be back to get his twitter fix.

How do I know? Because a peek into the future reveals an abundance of future twitters from ol' Ashton. His TV and film career may be fading fast, but a lengthy twitting career is just starting.

Ashton Kutcher's twitter entry for May 30, 2012

1:30 am -- What up? I can't sleep, so here I am. Did U miss me? I'm sorry to say you will miss me even more. This is my last tweet. I'm giving it up. Because Demi told me -- er, um . . . I think it is the best course for our family.


1:37 -- @pcpbear, I told you I'm done tweeting! Leave me alone! Get a life you hoser! Stop looking through my window!!!

1:40 -- What do you mean you're not outside my window? Oh yeah? How do you know I'm not in Fullerton, too?

1:44 -- Damnit. I just tweeted. No more.

1:46 -- Damnit, I did it again. Last 1. I promise.

2:20 -- @pickledeels I told you I'm not tweeting or twitting any more. STOP PESTERING ME! And if you try to camp out on my front lawn again, I'll come after you. Bruce taught me how to do a mean John McClain impression.

Yippie Kay-yey Mother F*cker!

2:23 -- @ demicougar. Okay okay I'm coming back to bed.

2:29 -- @pcpbear Dude, she is not my mom! She's my wife. Stop telling me my mom is so hot! Demi is my wife. WIFE!!!

Damnit . . . another tweet.

3:45 -- I'm back. I can't help it. My hands are shaking. I can't stop tweeting. It gives me a rush like nothing else. Just one more and I'll quit.

Dude, when did my hands get so big? Wow . . . five fingers. One . . . Two . . .

3:53 -- Dude, where's my keys?

3:54 -- Dude, where's my car?

3:56 -- Which one of you dumbsh*ts stole my car?! I don't like you. NOBODY likes you. Give me back my CAR!

4:01 -- @ demicougar What do mean the car's in the driveway? I don't see ... wait. There it is. Changed colors on me for a sec. My bad.

Dude, there's a snowman in the kitchen. I could go for some ice cream.

4:02 -- or peanut butter cups

or a slim jim

or maybe a spicy slim jim

4:10 -- @uRcr8Z I told you I can quit anytime. I'm not a twitter addict. I am stopping to protect my family. All of you reading this are stalking us with your minds. I know you are. I just know it.

5:00 -- See I quit tweeting. I knew I could do it.
Shit! This is another TWEET!

7:12-- Demi tied me to the bed to keep me off the twitter. I was all set for a role-play, but she just left me there. I didn't stay there. I learned to chew through rope from the last time Bruce tied me up, dropped me off somewhere in Utah and told me to stay the f*ck out of Idaho.

11:30 -- My name is Ashton K. and I'm a recovering tweet-aholic. It's been over four hours since my last -

Dammit! I just tweeted again!

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