Friday, July 1, 2011

Controlling the nerds at E3

Deckos Promo GirlImage by San Diego Shooter via Flickr
Have you ever had a large convention like Blizcon or E3 where you needed to keep the unwashed nerdlinger masses from groping your booth babes? Have you ever wanted to just smash the nerds in the face but have been unable to do so because of legal repercussions? Well, look no further for advice of how to keep those nerdy boys in line! Here are five tips to help you control nerds, whether at E3 or any number of conventions.

1. Hire some muscle: There is nothing quite so intimidating to a nerdly man as some hired goons. It reminds the nerd of their high school days and wedgies, snuggies, and the dreaded Tennessee butt-rapey. In any case, it makes the nerds fall straight into line.

2. Pit bulls: If having goons beat the living snot out of nerds isn't your cup of tea, you could always consider having a dog rip the nerd's face off instead. Trust me, these nerds need to know fear. They're taking over the world.

Girls of Brazil Swimsuit 2011 Wall Calendar3. Transvestite hookers: Ah, the bane of geeks everywhere the half-man, half-woman entity that is a transvestite hooker. Just be sure that you bring lots of alcohol for the gender confused nerds to enjoy or regret their ill gotten gains. Dude looks like a lady.

4. If all else fails: Why not just do crowd control the traditional way, using stanchions and velvet rope. After all, sometimes the simplest solution is best.

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