Rant Bloggers and Get-rich-quickers: two more types of internet blogs

Continued from last week . . .
























4. Rant bloggers

Your girlfriend dumped you. Your best friend stole your wallet. Your mom likes your younger sister better. Your cousin is marrying an idiot. Your girlfriend cheated on you with your cousin. Your dad started dating your girlfriend and now she's your mom.

We get it. Life sucks. You need a place to vent -- somewhere to go where everybody knows your name . . . However, do we care?

Not really. We just think it's funny.

Upside: These guys (mostly guys, a few girls) complain enough to make any of us feel better. Also, out of the 5 types of bloggers, these guys put BY FAR the least amount of effort into their blogs. I'm personally surprised at times that they don't just save themselves the effort and copy long strings of profanity to their pages.

Downside: Their strength is their weakness. THEY COMPLAIN A LOT! How annoying this pessimism gets depends on how seriously they take themselves. A blogger willing to laugh at the suckiness of life is cool. A bitter one is not.

5. Get-rich-quick

























Internet, meet your next millionaires. These bloggers have an idea: whether it's to sell online magazine subscriptions, promote an obscure search engine, run up thousands in profit from Google Adsense revenue (FAT CHANCE!) or even selling a book about how to get rich, these bloggers have the world, the internet, and their chumps . . . er, consumers figured out.

Upside: If you do succeed with this type of blogging, congradulations. You've beaten the system.

Downside: Blogs that generate content solely to make money -- without trying to make content that is also worth reading -- suck.

Sorry, but, to quote a cliche, "THERE AIN'T NO FREE LUNCH"






Feedback: What do you think of the pictures I include in the posts? Does it make you want to read my blog more, or are they off putting?

Sexcapades, Hobbyists and more: Types of bloggers

5 Types of Bloggers

Ask yourself: what poor sap would spend hours writing a blog entry that (probably) less than 30 people are likely to read?

n In my experience, there are 5 types.

1. Sexcapades

-- A broad category reserved for the women of blogger who revel in sharing their infection . . . I mean infectious love of sex with the other members of the blogging community. Often a self styled “relationship therapist” for other bloggers, a “makeup expert” or “clubber”, these girls (and I say girls because no one wants to read about a man’s sex life) share every real, intimate detail of every sexual experience of their young lives – and throw in a few fake ones for free.

Upside:

These girls get a lot of readership. Every girl wants to be them; every guy wants to do them.

Downside:

These blogs are interesting in the same way watching someone peel a wart off their foot with a razor is interesting: you want to watch to see what happens next, but you don’t want to touch because it’s gross.

2. Family Journal

Some people like to take the personal, private moments of life and treasure them in a personal family journal, accessible only by themselves or maybe close friends and family. Others enjoy posting them on the internet for everyone to see. From baby vomit to family vacations to poems about slitting wrists, these women (yes women!) and bratty teen girls broadcast every waking moment of their lives for all to enjoy.

Upside:

Again, these bloggers get a lot of readers. A woman with baby spit all over her new jeans likes nothing better than reading about an older, fatter mother with baby even more baby spit on her jeans. A teen who wants to cut her wrists because her parents don’t understand her wants to hear about another teen girl who’s parents also don’t understand her and who’s boyfriend is dating her former best friend.

Downside:

Journalists: nobody cares. They just want gossip and to see you suffer.

3. Hobbyist

Do you have something you enjoy? Do you want to find others who enjoy this something as well? Do you want to tell others about this something anyway, ear raping them over and over with the details until they beg for mercy? Well, hobby blogging is for you!

Upside:

Even though the readership on these blogs tends to be less than the first two types, the posts tend to be more interesting. Also, at least the guys (and few girls) that do this are passionate about something in life – be it cars, sports, or wine in Napa Valley – and that is always fun too.

Downside:

These blogs are kind of a one trick pony and are only fun to read about once per month or so. Also, there is little opportunity to expand the blog, so most of the writers run out of things to say eventually and quit writing.

Well, this entry is getting long, so I am going to save the last two categories for later: rant bloggers and get-rich-quickers.

Reader Feedback: Leave a comment telling me what kind of blog you have or what kind you enjoy the most! Are you a “sexcapader” and proud of it?

Some Funny Pics

1. Typical Wikipedia Editor:




























2. Republican Health Care Plan:


























3. Republican Health Care Plan (version 2):






















4. Republican Health Care Plan (version 3):
































5. Bratty kid


































6. Bratty Kid's Mom






















































7. Why to use birth control

Haiti: Media Darling Since January 2010

Haiti. Why has the world seen such an "outpouring of aid" to this impoverished country? Is it out of concern for the country's people? Is it from the horror of the scenes shared with us by CNN? Is it a reaffirmation of the goodness of mankind?

Partially.

However, let me suggest another reason, especially why the media has embraced the whole debacle.

Media bandwagoning.

















When properly goaded by the media, it can serve as a source of enormous good for humanity (think of all those food programs to Africa). And, it's great that the United States and the rest of the world are helping Haiti. But, why now?

About two years ago Haiti was suffering through one of the worst food crisis in recent history. People were literally starving to death on the streets. During that time, I heard maybe one or two stories on the subject, period. However, now that the story has become the latest "in" thing, I don't stop hearing about it. At least, until its popularity falls.

And then . . .

Remember the Tsunami in Indonesia, Hurricane Katrina, or even the ongoing disasters in places like Darfur and Zimbabwe? No?















Exactly.

The media outlet have an attention span of about 5 days for any major story. Reaslistically, which story is more important: John Mayer's expose on the slutty lifestyles of the rich and famous in Hollywood or the deaths of millions of people in the world due to disease, starvation, and violence?

Which one are we likely to hear more about in the coming weeks? My guess: Mayer.

What can we do? Easy. Stop paying attention to people like Mayer. Hollywood celebrities are like like annoying foot itches. Ignore them, and they will probably go away in five minutes. Do anything, and they just become worse and you get your hands dirty.

Here are some videos of more important issues than John Mayer.



1. Haiti






2. Darfur






3. Zimbabwe






4. Malaria





5. Sexy John Mayer Pic

Peyton Manning needs a pick-me up

Peyton Manning needs some counseling. Future Twits is here to give it to him.

Peyton, we know it's hard to cope when everyone outside of the state of Indiana is rooting for you to choke in the Super Bowl and you deliver on those hopes.







But, hey, cheer up man.

So you threw a pick six while driving for the tying touchdown. Big deal. Don't you realize that you are a hero?

You know everyone -- from the drunken prostitute in that back alley near Bourbon Street to President Obama himself -- wanted you to fail. Certainly, the fans who watched your team mail it in the last two weeks of the regular season wanted you to fail.

Hell, even your own dad wanted you to fail.









It makes good press for the team from everyone's adopted Katrina-ravaged third-world city within America to get one glorious moment in the sun before we push New Orleans back into the shadows, focus on fixing Haiti -- or the next popular charitable cause -- and forget about the poor, hungry and dying in our own backyard. Nothing wrong with that. Politicians on both sides of the aisle will point to the moment where you threw that interception, just like the moment your teammates failed to recover an onside kick to open the second half, as the dawn of a better age for New Orleans.

At least for this week anyway.










So what if you don't get to make your SNL return or kick up your feet while knocking back a cold one in the White House? Cheer up dude. If you don't want to shake hands, we understand.

Remember, you've got millions of dollars, a super bowl ring and stupid ads about Oreo cookies with little bro Eli to fall back on. No one will take that away from you. The media still loves you. You are still the greatest QB to ever play the game . . .

or so ESPN tells us, anyway.