Monday, February 8, 2010

Peyton Manning needs a pick-me up

Peyton Manning needs some counseling. Future Twits is here to give it to him.

Peyton, we know it's hard to cope when everyone outside of the state of Indiana is rooting for you to choke in the Super Bowl and you deliver on those hopes.

But, hey, cheer up man.

So you threw a pick six while driving for the tying touchdown. Big deal. Don't you realize that you are a hero?

You know everyone -- from the drunken prostitute in that back alley near Bourbon Street to President Obama himself -- wanted you to fail. Certainly, the fans who watched your team mail it in the last two weeks of the regular season wanted you to fail.

Hell, even your own dad wanted you to fail.

It makes good press for the team from everyone's adopted Katrina-ravaged third-world city within America to get one glorious moment in the sun before we push New Orleans back into the shadows, focus on fixing Haiti -- or the next popular charitable cause -- and forget about the poor, hungry and dying in our own backyard. Nothing wrong with that. Politicians on both sides of the aisle will point to the moment where you threw that interception, just like the moment your teammates failed to recover an onside kick to open the second half, as the dawn of a better age for New Orleans.

At least for this week anyway.

So what if you don't get to make your SNL return or kick up your feet while knocking back a cold one in the White House? Cheer up dude. If you don't want to shake hands, we understand.

Remember, you've got millions of dollars, a super bowl ring and stupid ads about Oreo cookies with little bro Eli to fall back on. No one will take that away from you. The media still loves you. You are still the greatest QB to ever play the game . . .

or so ESPN tells us, anyway.


  1. Grrrr I wanted The Colts to win soooo bad!! i hate the Saints! its funny cuz over here in Mississippi they werent selling any Saints shit, until they made it to the playoffs, I havent seen any Saints fan since Ive been here, but now that they won they are all over the place! its like c'mon if ur a fan of a team you should support them no matter what, good or bad stats

  2. Oh and another thing I agree we should be helping our ppl before we start helping others...Ppl should be adopting the poor and hungry kids here rather then over seas, it just makes me sick....

  3. Girlypeekaboo,

    There is definitely a bandwagon forming behind the Saints (Boston Redsocks anyone?). Maybe I will do my next blog entry about that, and about Haiti, another popular bandwagon these days. Don't get me wrong -- I think that we should help Haiti, just like we should keep helping the Katrina victims and we should help the poor in general. I just like the fact that everyone chooses NOW to jump on the Haiti train -- not two years ago when they were starving to death because of high fuel prices.

  4. Sorry, meant high food prices caused by high fuel prices.

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