Taylor Swift is Ugly -- And I'm Fine With That

Selena Gomez (Image via RottenTomatoes.com)

Listen. I am going to say something that will shock and dismay Taylor Swift's publicist. Taylor Swift is ugly.

And I'm okay with that. Seriously.

Not every girl in the world was cut out to be a super model. For every Kate Upton or Natalie Portman in the world, there are a lot more Drew Barrymores and Taylor Swifts out there. This is a fact that we should not only accept but embrace.

See, in order to be a good singer, not every girl has to be a sex symbol. Taylor is the perfect example of this. While she's not the ugliest girl I've ever seen in life, she's certainly no Selena Gomez. And even Selena is ... well ... cute, but certainly not going to be a supermodel any time soon either.

And that's okay as well.

I can enjoy their music without constantly thinking about how to get them into bed. I can enjoy them on the level of an artist, not on the level of a pinup girl.

For the record, here is a recent picture of Taylor Swift so that you can judge for yourself. Am I being too harsh on her looks?

Taylor Swift at the Beach

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Dog afraid of Julia Roberts

This is what happens when you show your dog a picture of a girl as ugly as Julia Roberts.



Julia probably reminded him of the ugly poodle that always used to hit on him in preparatory school.

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Better than "Shocking illusion - Pretty girls turn ugly!"

A few posts ago I posted a cool video where pretty girls have the illusion of becoming ugly. In this post, I find a better version of this, using men.




Men make better candidates for uglyfication. They are ugly to start. Keep in mind that I am saying this as a man. I am being honest.

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• Pretty Ugly (cuteemoboi.wordpress.com)

Shocking illusion - Pretty girls turn ugly!

This is an incredible optical illusion, courtesy of some psychology researchers and your brain. Watch this cool video that makes normal looking and attractive girls turn hideously ugly right in front of your eyes. It's pretty incredible.



So, I am guessing that this is the reverse of beer goggles?

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• Fancy drowning in a Newcastle Brown Ale? Trapped in a schooner optical illusion (adland.tv)

Fat Girls Show off Baby Bump

Just like Natalie Portman, Melissa Rycroft, Kate Hudson, Jane Krakowsk, Pink, Laura Saltman, Jennifer Connelly, Rachel Zoe, Christina Applegate, Amy Poehler, and a whole bunch of other people you've never heard of who are Hollywood Stars, these fat chicks have decided to show off their baby bump to the world. Scroll down for pics.


As an aspiring nursing student at Stevens Hennigar and a part time Walmart stocker, this fat chick decided to strut her stuff on the red carpet and show off her emerging baby bump. "People as me all the time how I maintain my figure while pregnant," she reported. "I still get I.D.ed at bars."

Possibly the most anticipated pregnancy of the year comes from this fat girl, reportedly fathered by Tom Green. "I am so excited to be having a baby with Tom," the fat girl gushed. "The media exposure has been great for my career. I have already read three new scripts this month."

Another muffin topped girl having a baby was interviewed by Access Hollywood of Black Swan. "I just enjoy eating, okay? And, by the way, I AM NOT PREGNANT, YOU BASTARDS!"

And, a couple more gratuitous pics of fat girls.

Life is grand.

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Disgusting -- 221 Million Dollar Apartments in London

Every so often, I think that humanity is actually going to make it, that we are going to grow past our savage stage. Then, I see videos like this one. Look at how rich assholes live in London, buying 10 to 221 million dollar apartments while over a billion people survive on less than a dollar per day.




This video makes me mad for a few reasons. First, there are people starving to death in the world, millions of them. 220 million would feed a lot of kids in Africa. Second, this is just conspicuous consumption at it's worst. Why can't these jerks live in a normal house like the rest of us? Third, and maybe the most offensive, the apartments in the video are just ugly. Look carefully when you watch the video. Is there anything in that apartment, anything at all, that looks like it's worth 221 million to you? If I am going to pay 221 million for anything, it better either have a super model that come with it, be made out of solid gold, or enable God to come visit me every day. And even then, the money could be better spent.

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Lady Gaga -- Marilyn Manson's Gay Cousin

We here at Future Twits have observed, with astonishment (not!) Lady Gaga's announcement that she is in fact gay. What type of announcements do the future hold for this flamboyant and ugly pop star? Lets find out:

Lady Gaga Twitters for January 17, 2009

@Whalehumper: After my revelation to Barbra Walters that I am, in fact, bisexual -- and that Barbra was once my father before turning to the dark side -- I've decided to put everything hidden about my self out on the table.

1. The first time I made out with a guy in a car, he asked me to wear a bag over my face.



2. I am not a hermaphrodite, in the strictest sense. I actually glued a Jimmy Dean sausage to myself when I was eight and have left it there over the years, even despite the frequent rat attacks and awful smell.

3. My nose originally belonged to Michael Jackson and was glued in place to cover up damage from an earlier car accident. I hope no one noticed.

4. When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. Then he kidnapped me, hauled me to a Catholic church, and was shot by police while trying to stab me on the altar. Is this a sign, maybe?

5. With my videos, I can honestly say that people like my music. This is because no one, and I mean NO ONE, would watch my videos to see me. I make little children cry.

Normally, we put pictures of our article victims . . . er, subjects in the article. In this case, we thought it best if we went a different route.

Top 10 David Letterman's "Interns"

Consider David Letterman. His appetite for women is superseded only by the jokes that he so freely makes at the expense of others. Sadly, neither are funny.

However, we at Future Twits are not here to judge Letterman for his voracious and often strange appetite for the opposite sex (although he should have been able to do better than this) but to celebrate his womanizing David Letterman Style




Top Ten David Letterman Interns:


10. Shia Labeouf's Mom






















9. Oprah

















8. Legolas



















7. Selma Bouvier


























6. Heidi Klum -- YOU WISH!!!























5. Megan Fox -- YOU REALLY, REALLY WISH!!!






















4. The girl from bandcamp
















3. Maggie Gyllenhaal -- (she wishes)


















2.

Betty White . . . nah, too much class for you

1. Ann Coulter