Lady Gaga -- Marilyn Manson's Gay Cousin

We here at Future Twits have observed, with astonishment (not!) Lady Gaga's announcement that she is in fact gay. What type of announcements do the future hold for this flamboyant and ugly pop star? Lets find out:

Lady Gaga Twitters for January 17, 2009

@Whalehumper: After my revelation to Barbra Walters that I am, in fact, bisexual -- and that Barbra was once my father before turning to the dark side -- I've decided to put everything hidden about my self out on the table.

1. The first time I made out with a guy in a car, he asked me to wear a bag over my face.



2. I am not a hermaphrodite, in the strictest sense. I actually glued a Jimmy Dean sausage to myself when I was eight and have left it there over the years, even despite the frequent rat attacks and awful smell.

3. My nose originally belonged to Michael Jackson and was glued in place to cover up damage from an earlier car accident. I hope no one noticed.

4. When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. Then he kidnapped me, hauled me to a Catholic church, and was shot by police while trying to stab me on the altar. Is this a sign, maybe?

5. With my videos, I can honestly say that people like my music. This is because no one, and I mean NO ONE, would watch my videos to see me. I make little children cry.

Normally, we put pictures of our article victims . . . er, subjects in the article. In this case, we thought it best if we went a different route.