Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Keith Olbermann -- Worst Person on Television

Ah, Keith Olbermann. I hesitate to call him a prick (it's part of a man) or a douchebag (it has a good chance of being close to a woman), but I have to call him . . . something.

In any case, Future Twits has been honored with an exclusive interview from this faggy momma's boy. Enjoy.

@Moderator: We here at Future Twits are very privileged to have Keith Olbermann with us today in the studio.

@PhatSnob: I hate Bill-O

@Moderator: Hold on there, Slick! Let me start out by asking you a question. One of the staples of your program every week is a segment called “The Worst Person in the World” where you name different people that have done things that you disapprove of during that week and then post their picture and a short description of why you think that they're such a bad person, correct?

@PhatSnob: I hate Rush Limbaugh.

@Moderator: That's nice. Now, my question to you is this: you don't literally mean that these people are the “worst people in the world”, do you? I mean, if I was going to make a list of the three worst people in the world, I'm pretty sure that no one that you've ever mentioned in any of your segments would be on there. Even though I don't agree with all of the politics of people like Glenn Beck, Lou Dobbs, George Bush, etc., I still think that they're probably okay people in real life; and they certainly don't count as among the world's worst three people – probably not even in the top 100.

@PhatSnob: I hate Bush-wacker.

@Moderator: Right. Got that already. So . . . my list of world's worst people would include dictators like Kim Jong Il, Robert Mugabe, and Omar Hassan al-Bashir – all of whom have let millions of their own citizens starve to death for political reasons. After them, I might throw some ordinary criminals onto the list, like serial killers or child molesters. I might even be tempted to throw on a few people like Bernard Madoff, who stole billions and ruined thousands of people's lives. But, even there, I would feel a little bit inhibited because I don't know these people like God does.

@PhatSnob: God! That's another of the worlds worst people . . . if he existed, that is.

@Moderator: Uh huh. Let me ask you something, KO. Do you have brain damage by any chance? You seem very prone to outburst, and it's one of the classical signs of head trauma.

@PhatSnob: *sob It's true! I was at a gay parade, and I got my head stepped on by a big burly from Vermont.

@Moderator: Wait, how did you get your head stepped on . . . actually, don't answer that. I don't think that I want to know.

@Moderator: KO, don't you think your rhetoric might be a bit over the top though? Except for the small contingent of hard core lesbians that watch your show every night, I doubt that the the rest of the small audience that you have really appreciates that level of exaggeration – which might be the reason MSNBC is losing ground so quickly to Fox and CNN.

@PhatSnob: I hate everyone who has children, or loves Jesus, or . . .

@Moderator: You know what? I'm just going to put you out of your misery right now, KO. Someone get the phenobarbital and vodka!


  1. I'm the one who keeps hugging you tightly, when you think it's possible to turn away, i'm the one who will calm the storm to stay strong you walk later

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