Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Sarah Palin: Last Brain Cell Lonely and Dying

Good Old Sarah Palin. Vaugely resembling a pinup girl 10 years past her prime, Sarah has just put out a new book -- Going Rouge. Unfortunately, all of wish that she would end up going somewhere, anywhere -- just not where we can hear you.

By the good gracious of goodness almighty, we at Future Twits have peeked into the future and captured several of Sarah's future Twitters. Enjoy.

Future Twitter for December 25, 2009

10:11 @TundraPrincess: Well, gee-golly-darn, isn't it good to be back on twitter like a mossy frog on a tree stump, don't-ya-know. I sure have a lot of time on my hands, now that I'm not the governor of the GREATEST STATE IN THE WORLD. Alaska was the cradle of civilization, and all of the important acheivements of the last 40 years all have their roots there. I read that in a magazine one time . . . or heard it or something. It's like the antenna ears on a television, don't-ya-know, with a piece of concise therapy running over the straight hills. (pssst: It's a very deep philisophical thought, the one I just gave).

10:18 @TundraPrincess: Oh darn! Bristol is at it again. She just drug home some new guy she's dating. She claims that the met online, but I'm pretty sure that's the same guy who hangs out in front of the liquor store all day.

10:34 @TundraPrincess: I just got through making the first martini of the day. One down, eight to go. I would drink less, but it helps to numb the pain of my husband's stares and the moments where he asks me what in the hell I'm talking about. If I knew, then I would probably tell him.

11:37 @TundraPrincess: Martini number four is gone. I wished that I looked hotter in my flight attendant outfit. I wished that I was smarter and could make it through an interview without stumbling over my words the whole time. I wish that those guys at Fox News would call me. When I was doing their shows, they all pretended to be my friends and that we could hang out and go bowling. The only one who ever remembered was Glenn Beck, and he was just making a booty call. The nerve, gee-golly-darn-it-all. Worse yet, when I accepted, he then wanted me to fly to New York to see him! Even after I accepted that, he claimed that he was gay and hung up the phone. It's the best date I've been on in 12 years.

@TundraPrincess: 2:37 My husband is home from work. He is back to his familiar spot in the corner doing his favorite activity: throwing a tennis ball off the wall and catching it, again and again, for six hours every night. He looks so happy, sitting there, staring, not moving anything except his right hand to throw the ball. Such concentration! The only time that he looks up is to show his affection. Every so often, he will look up, look at me, look at the gun hanging on the wall, look at me, make the pow sound, shake his head, and go back to throwing the tennis ball. What a hottie!

@Moderator: We're sorry to cut this interview short, but the last Sarah Palin brain cell has died, leaving her eqaul in intelligence to Dennis Miller. In other news, Bristol is dating a player for the New York Mets -- actually, it has been updated to the entire team.



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