Thursday, June 11, 2009

Oprah Winfrey: I have the Power!


No Oprah is not He-Man or She-Ra. (Although she might like to be. Who knows?) But she is one angry woman-beast after seeing Forbes push Angelina Jolie in its latest celebrity power rankings. Nobody ranks higher than Oprah! Nobody! And she'll make sure you don't forget it.

So what will the big O do to retake her throne from Brad's other half? Let's just say giving away cars and Angie's kids to her twitter followers aren't out of the question as this future twitter entry shows.

Oprah Winfrey's future twitter entry for June 8, 2010:

9:45 am -- HELLO LOYAL MINIONS!!!!! It is I Oprah. Repeat after me: Oprah is good, Oprah is great. We surrender our will as of this date.

10:10 -- Good news! The Central time zone has been renamed the Oprah time zone. We're still working on getting my name attached to Chicago.

10:15 -- @oprahlover69: what are you going to call it.

10:20 -- I'm thinking Oprah presents Chicago. Or Chicago: an Oprah City.

10:25 -- @Oprah-is-queen: brilliant.
@oprahlover69: marvelous.
@marrymeoprah: I love your ideas as much as I worship you.

10:30 -- @bigredlips: Nice try, Oprah. You still aren't more powerful than me. I have more power than you can possibly imagine.


10:45 -- REMOVE JOLIE AT ONCE!! Twitter is for Oprah and OPRAH ONLY!

11:30 -- I've got a special surprise for my twitter followers! You're all going home with a car today! You're getting a car! And you're getting a car! And you're getting a car! And you're getting a car!

11:40 -- @oprahlover69: who is giving us cars, oh great one?

High Noon -- Contact Barack. He is the GM of GM after all and he owes me a solid. I made the man what he is today!

12:20 -- @bigredlips: I have more twitter followers than you. And I just added another recruit to my growing army of children. This one is from Azerbaijan. HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!

12:35 -- I have a new announcement. Everyone here today is going home with a BRAND NEW KID!!! You're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid! And you're getting a kid!

12:40 -- @Oprah-is-queen: Cool! Where are we getting these kids?

12:50 -- Ms. Jolie's house of course. Swarm and descend. She will feel the wrath of OPRAH NATION! I am Oprah, Ruler of Stedman and Queen of Chicago.

12:55 -- Watch my show today. We will be breaking down the latest issue of O Magazine and I will have an exclusive interview with the gorgeous cover model.

1:00 -- We will also be getting a field update from Jolie Baby Raid '10 via special correspondent Anderson Cooper.

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  1. @NYNYBloggapedia -- This site is a foul and disgusting attack on all that is good or right with America -- the celebrities and rich people. Why you would make fun of wholesome people like an abortion doctor, a professional wrestler who wants to kill his wife, and a president that gets a &^%$ (!@ from a whore in the white house is beyond me. They are all such upstanding people!

    Your site is definitely not going to be accepted onto our list of irrelevant blogs on our largely irrelevant site, with a name clearly formulated to take financial advantage of the popularity of Wikipedia.


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