The Canadian Way of Keeping Beer Cold

The Canadian Way of Keeping Beer Cold

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The USA-Mexico Fence in 1979 -- Used as a Volleyball Net

Here is the USA-Mexico border fence in 1979, being used as a volleyball net.

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Dear Dr. Laura Letter

I found a letter, supposedly written to Dr. Laura about comments made on her radio show, about how the Bible should be literally enforced in the modern world.

While I have no way of knowing who actually wrote the letter and if it was ever sent to Dr. Laura, the text of the letter itself is quite interesting.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman,

Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,

Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

P.S. (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian.)

I would also like to own a Canadian, good sir. Perhaps we can travel to Canada to purchase one together? 

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Kids These Days! They Need a Good Rock!

The kids these days need to find a good rock to play with. At least, this is what the parents in 40,000 BC would have said. Frankly, I think that video games are much more interesting than playing with a rock. Don't you?

Kids: Present, 1960, 1520, 40,000 BC

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Should I Move to Edmonton Canada?

I was checking out the website about  Edmonton Apartments for rent recently, and now I have a strong desire to move to Edmonton Canada. Do you think that this is a wise idea?

One of the reasons that I want to move there is because of the Edmonton Oilers, part of the Canadian football league. I think that I would be a huge fan. I mean, with a name like the Edmonton Oilers, who wouldn't be a fan of this team?

Also, the Wikipedia page says that average daily temperatures range from -11.7C in January to 17.5C in July. This seems like a good range of temperatures to me. -12.2C in January would be a bit too low, but -11.7C seems just about right.

Finally, Edmonton is part of the North Saskatchewan River valley parks system. I just enjoy saying that name over and over again while I sleep. It's very enjoyable.

So, do you think that I should move to Edmonton? post your vote in the comments section of my blog.

How to be a pimp in Calgary Canada

Have you ever wanted to be a pimp in Calgary Canada? Well, neither have I. But, assuming that you do, then I guess you could probably do it by following these simple steps.

1. Find a house for rent in Calgary: To do this, you could probably go to a site and look for rentals in Calgary. That would be a good way to start.

2. Find some hoes: Next you would have to find some hoes. I have no clue how you would do this. I guess if you deal drugs, you might have some luck with the girls that owe you money. But, even there, you would have to find girls willing to trade money for sex (in a more direct way than dating).

3. Find clients: This is pretty much the same deal as number two, but easier since there are probably a lot of guys willing to have sex for money.

So, yep. That's how you become a pimp in Calgary Canada.