Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Jon Stewart thinks he's funny

Host Jon Stewart in the studio of The Daily Sh...Image via Wikipedia
We have been privileged to peek into the future and catch a glimpse at what Jon Stewart likes to twitter about on a night where he is done hosting the Daily Show. The future is not pretty. What it reveals is a sad man who's mind is fixated on tea bags and servicing -- ahem -- his "porsche."

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Jon Stewart's Twitter entries for April 17th, 2009.

11:35 pm -- Man, I can't believe how stupid these so called “conservatives” are. Lately, they've been discussing how they want to throw a “tea party” for Obama, Joe, and the rest of the crew. They've even offered to “tea bag” everyone involved. Image that. If those idiots only knew how dirty the stuff they're saying is. They probably do – they just like it. I've been busting them over it all week.

12:00 I'm still laughing about all of that. I can't believe those dorks.

12:15 Man, I just can't stop rolling on the floor.

12:30 Wow, still laughing just as hard.

1:00 Still laughing.

1:30 Still laughing

2:00 Still laughing

2:30 Still laughing. I wonder if I'm making too mush of all this. NAH!!!

3:00 Okay, I've stopped laughing now. It's not quite as funny as it used to be. Almost. Not quite.

3:15 Now I'm just bored. I wonder what's on TV.

3:25 There's not much on this time of night. I've seen all the cable por – promo . . . shows . . . for like stuff on . . . the discovery channel . . . and the space launch stuff! (Wonder why my backspace key isn't working).

3:30 I've decided to read some books that my Mo—girlfriend, I mean, keeps around the house. Hmm, Nancy Drew. This could be very, very promising (he he he).

3:45 I just can't believe the words they put into this book! “Investigation”, “orange grove”, “world series”, “grandma's house”. Who let this book get published!? These's guys are so gross!

4:00 Laughing

4:30 Still laughing

5:00 Still laughing

5:15 Still laughing. I wonder if I have a dirty mind? NAH!!!

5:30 Stopped laughing and made a sandwich.

5:45 All this talk about “girl' detectives” and “garage villians” has made me . . . a little . . . “anxious”, if you know what I mean ;) All I can think about is getting some “full service” on my “Porsche” ;) I need an “oil change” with “lube and filter” included. I want “full service with a smile”. I wonder if Hans is home.

5:50 That jerk won't answer his phone. What's wrong with him? He hasn't returned any of my phone calls since I “visited too late” last month and “missed my appointment”. Like he's not replaceable.

5:55 Called Jacques. He swore at me for four minutes straight. Said he didn't want me “dropping by” this time of night, he had “work” in the morning. I'll give him some “work” to do next time I see him!

6:05 Called Enrique. He pretended not to speak English. Kept saying things like “No comprendo SeƱor.” and “China tu madre . . . “ or something. Have I really made that many enemies?

6:25 Called Chris, Derrick, Stewart, Ron, Chin Wan, Jesse, Terrance, Narashnahat, and Russell. Still no takers on my offer. I even offered very good tips and some “extra” if they would help me out. I've got one more name – my last hope.

6:30 Man, even Michael turned me down. He told me he's moved past “servicing my car” at 6:00 in the morning and I should “either do it my self” or “hire someone”. The nerve.

6:45 a.m. -- Well, I guess that I'll just have to wait till tomorrow to get the oil change on my Porsche. It's already 200 miles past due, but I guess it won't hurt it to go a little longer.

Now, about getting a date . . .

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