Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Kanye West: Superzero or Supervillian?

I be so bad

It has been a hard couple of weeks for Kanye West. After stealing the spotlight from Taylor Swift at an awards ceremony that few watched or cared about, West has been the subject of hatred and ridicule from no less than Mr. Obama himself. Future Twits looks into the future and reveals that things are about to get worse for West before they get better.

Future Twit for October 22, 2009

@KanyeEast It's been a hard couple of months since I stole the thunder of Taylor Swift at the MTV music awards. I have been shot, stabbed, hung by the neck until almost dead, burned, maimed, mocked, and called a jackass by the President of the United States (takes one to know one). Women scream when I approach, men vomit and
ask God to die, and little kids run up and kick me in the crotch.
I be pimpin'

I've changed my name to one that's much more incognito. I feel safer now.

@AngryWhiteWoman: Kanye, you are the devil incarnate! How dare you hurt that poor . . . what-her-face-country-singer-girl. You are what is wrong with America! People have died because of you!

Yeah, dat right

@KanyeEast: Oh no, they found me!

@AnnoyingLittleGirl: My doggy had a puppy, and that puppy died. When I asked mommy what happened to the puppy, she said that it died because it was sad because Kanye West was mean to Taylor Swift and made her cry. Mr. West, why did you kill my puppy?
In trainin'

@AngryWhiteMan: West, you are a sick man! If I weren't so fat from years of eating Burger King, I would kick your ass! As it stands, I'll have to try to cut you off in traffic instead.

@KanyeEast: Why do you people hate me? What did I do to you? Sure, I was a jerk at a contrived television award ceremony. But, so what? All it did was make that Swift girl famous (for a few weeks at least), made me relevant again, and made Obama shove his foot in his mouth (not the first time; not the last time).

Don't you people have better things to do with your lives than to hate celebrities you've never even met before (and aren't likely to meet either)?

@AngryWhiteWoman: You know, Mr. West, you're right. We should find better things to do with our time. Let's go attack that child molester, Michael Jackson!

@AngryWhiteMan: No wait! He's dead.

@AngryWhiteWoman: That's right. He's not a villian anymore – he's a hero! Lets go buy his albums and lots of useless memorabilia crap.

@AnnoyingLittleGirl: Mommy, mommy, can Michael Jackson touch me too?

@AngryWhiteWoman: No, but we'll go see if Keith Olbermann is home.

Give me sum suga!

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