Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Healthcare Future Twit Style

Our Moderator

@Moderator: Future Twits is proud to bring you the first ever online debate about national health care reform! We would like to thank our honored guests, all of whom took time out of their busy schedules to be present at this event.

@Moderator: Lets get started. Gentlemen, we have a crisis facing our nation. There are an estimated 60 million people living in the United States of America who currently have either no health insurance or inadequate health insurance. What can we as a nation do to help these people and end this crisis?

@BigBillO: I don't see that there is a “crisis” like everyone is claiming. I have health insurance, my friends have health insurance, everyone I associate with has health insurance – where is the problem here? Why can't these people just move to Canada, Mexico, or Russia or something.

@Moderator: Those countries because of . . . their health programs?

@BigBillO: No, mainly so that I'll have more spots to park my Bently when I go to the mall.

@Moderator: Bill, a bastion of compassion, as always. But, seriously, Bill # 2, you must have some ideas as well about how to fix this broken system.

@GodlessWonder: My answer is simple – just outlaw religion. Everything that is wrong with this world can be traced to religion. The energy crisis – religion. The AIDS epidemic – religion. World hunger – religion. The asteroid coming to hit our planet in 20 years – religion. My last boy friend breaking up with me – religion. It's all religion . . . religion . . . religion . . . religion . . .

@Moderator: Can someone hit his reset button?

@GodlessWonder: Religion . . . religion . . . relig--- ahhhh, lets go smoke a fat blunt!

@Moderator: That's . . . better, I guess. But, what about you, Rush? Surely, as the de facto voice of the Republican party, you must have some good ideas about how to fix health care.

@WideLoad: I think that we need to take America back to a much more simple time, away from the liberal agenda. The only people getting health care now are the terrorists and the welfare Octomoms. We need to take America back to the simpler times before greedy liberals taxed the poor, struggling drug companies to the edge of bankruptcy and forced them to stop making their delicious Vicodin, Lortab, Percocet, Demerol . . .

Um, I have to take a quick bathroom break – be right back!

@Moderator: I think we've lost Rush for the rest of the night, so we'll wrap up this debate by talking to Michael. So, what do we do to get ourselves out of this mess?

@Docudrama: Simple – we follow the example of our enlightened neighbors to the South, wonderful Cuba, and socialize the hell out of everything.

@Moderator: But, how shall I put this delicately, CUBA SUCKS ASS! Their country is horrible, and all of the Cubans want to leave and come here.

@Docudrama: Don't yell! Oh, great – you made Glenn cry now!



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